


Underneath it all

by Harryspiritanimal



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Abuse, Dating, F/M, First Dates, First Meetings, Hiding, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Panic Attacks, Physical Abuse, Protectiveness, Shyness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-01
Updated: 2016-04-23
Packaged: 2018-05-24 05:27:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6142979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Harryspiritanimal/pseuds/Harryspiritanimal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What happens when Amélie suddenly moves to Holmes Chapel because of her ex? And what happens when, in her fear of hidding from him, she meets a friendly face called Harry?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The main idea for this story was requested as a one shot on tumblr but once I started writing I just got too excited and got more and more ideas, so I'm making it a story!
> 
> The title was suggested by the lovely: harrysyellowflowerbolotie on tumblr :)

_My body was shaking when I saw him standing in the doorway, I was expecting my heart to be beating uncontrollably in my chest by now but right now, it felt like it had just stopped beating all together. The pain of the suspense, waiting for what might happen, the bloodthirst and rage visible in his dirty brown eyes as he slowly took a measured step towards me._

5 months ago

My fingers were tracing the hard and dusty covers from the books on the dirty and old shelves. I was glad I was able to relax again, after leaving London unplanned I had been accepting every single job that I could get, waitressing mostly. Working in three different bars and pubs in order to pay the bills, which were stacking up high.

I was walking backwards slowly in order to observe the upper shelf when I bumped into someone and I heard a loud thump, fear overtook my small body and I yelped in panic. Two firm hands touched my shoulders and even more panic filled my body, my heart beating crazy, my body stiff with fear. I heard a low voice mumble soothing words as the hands left my shoulder, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you!” I turned around quickly while trying to get as much space between us as possible.

I relaxed a little when I saw the stranger; he wasn’t who I thought he was. Even since I had moved to Holmes Chapel I had been a little light on my feet, jumpy and touchy I guess you could say. Thomas had fucked me up good, I snickered to myself but even notion of him made the hairs on my arms stand up straight and my heart jump with fear and dread. I shook my head, as if I could just shake the thought of him away.

The stranger was tall, much taller than he had been, but this stranger was skinnier and lean. His eyes were a beautiful shade of green; they seemed to be deeper than the ocean, like they were begging me to drown in them. His lips were an unreal pink and looked very plump, kissable even. His hair was long and curly, full of volume and looked as soft as satin, I almost wanted to run my hands through to feel if it really was satin.

He lifted his eyebrows, “did you hear me?” he said while crouching down, and picking up the book he had dropped. His voice was slow and low but it soothed him perfectly, just like everything else about him I had seen so far. I shook my head in response; not trusting my voice that probably would be shaking and hoarse by now. You see I didn’t really speak that often, besides from being a waitress and all that, I only spoke to customers and cashiers.

I hadn’t really had the time or the motivation to start making friends, again. “I asked if you’re alright?” he extended his hand in front of him between the two of us, he seemed to want to lay his hand on my shoulder but my body involuntarily flinched and a whimpering noise came from my throat.

I close my eyes, I wanted to slap myself for acting like this, but I couldn’t help it, a reaction like this had become natural to me over the years. “I’m fine,” my voice cracked a little, I cleared my throat, “sorry for walking into you.” I murmured as I pushed my hair behind my ears and walked away quickly. “Wait!” he nearly yelled behind, making me flinch again. His voice hadn’t even been hard or angry like his. “You seem a bit shaken up in there,” he said while pointing at my head, a light smile playing on his face.

I tried to shrug as nonchalantly as possible, but I probably looked uncomfortable and awkward. I craned my neck a little, trying to look at the book in his hand; I smiled when I realized it was Jane Austen. Classic and probably cliché I know, trust me some people liked to remind me of the things that bothered them about me, but I’m a sucker for the classics. There was something about the mannerisms and the politeness that really stuck out to me. Along with the rules and the formal balls. I think it was the complete innocence of it all… Something you don’t really see today.

He smiled a little, more like a little smirk filled with curiosity. “So you like Jane Austen then?” He bit his lip gently and I looked away, “Yeah,” I murmured, feeling a little embarrassed under his gaze. “Me too, I’m getting a new one because I completely destroyed my old one.” He chuckled, scratching the back of his head. “I have six different copies at home.” I smiled, his widened a bit but he laughed non-the less. “I love the different editions and covers.” I quickly said, “You don’t need to defend yourself, I think it’s pretty cool.” He shrugged, I looked down, embarrassed, somehow I was expecting him to make fun of me, like he used to.

“You sure you okay?” he asked again, the light tone in his voice had gone to the background and genuine concern was visible in his eyes when I looked at him from under my lashes. I nodded again but he frowned, “do you want to go for a drink or something?” I wanted to protest but he raised his hand to stop me from talking, I flinched back again and I wanted to slap myself, scold myself out for being so weak and stupid. He lowered his hand slowly, “I wouldn’t-“ he frowned, "You’re clearly not okay, let me take you for a drink.” His eyes bored into mine, damn those beautiful bewitching eyes.

I sighed, defeated and he smiled triumphantly, he quickly payed for his book and mentioned me to follow him. I kept more than a person’s worth of space between us; he just looked at the amount of space between the two of us but didn’t mention anything, which I was grateful for. We walked in silence for about 10 seconds before he started talking again which made me smile, I didn’t like the uncomfortable silence but I didn’t know how to start a conversation with a total stranger either.

My social skills had died slowly, but deliberately, all because of him.

 

_Flashback_

_“For the last fucking time Amélie, I said no!” He yelled in my face, my eyes began to water and I wanted to stab myself, I knew better than to cry in front of him. “Oh great, you’re going to cry again? You pathetic piece of shit, I don’t understand why I keep you.” He shouted again, pacing to the kitchen before grabbing one of the wooden chairs and slamming it against the wall, making me jump._

_“You don’t get to go out Amélie! This is the last fucking time we will ever talk about this alright”. He said while pacing forwards. I stumbled backwards as fast as I could my back hit the wall roughly. “You are mine.” He gritted through his teeth, as he placed his hands on either side of my face against the wall. “I don’t fucking share you babe, you are mine and nobody else’s.” His warm breath made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up._

 

“What’s your name by the way, I probably should’ve asked you that before.” He said while he buried his hands in the pockets of long coat. His coat shared similar aspects to the one I was wearing. Like mine, his was also black and elegant. The man’s scarf was loosely held around his neck, flowing down to his knees to meet the hem of his coat. His coat looked like the male version of mine. Black and almost elegant, reaching his knees with a scarf loosely around his neck to keep him warm, just like me.

“It’s Amélie, what about you?” I said, my voice a little steadier now, I smiled proudly at myself. ‘Harry,’ his name seemed to fit him perfectly but I couldn’t explain why. He stopped in front of a cosy looking, almost bakery like place. He opened the door but didn’t enter.

I waited behind, “After you milady.” He smiled as he gestured for me to enter; I blushed and entered the building. I groaned unwillingly, it smelled absolutely amazing in here. He let out a booming laugh, “I know right.” He almost seemed like happiness himself.

“Harry!” a happy voice said. “Barbara!” Harry smiled back, the older woman walked from behind the counter and hugged him.

“You missing me so much, you’re back son?” she giggled, Harry winked at her “you know I can’t live without you pinching my bum Barbara.” They both laughed a little before he turned around; “used to work here.” he beamed.

The friendly woman shook her head with disapproval “he works in a bar now.” Harry rolled his eyes playfully but laughed, a smile crept on my face. After laughing and reminiscing a little more, Barbara handed us two slices of cake, which I tried to pay for but she wouldn’t let me. 

“She’s seems really nice.” I said as we were walking again, he smiled and told me some little stories of when he used to work there. He had started working in the bakery when he was 14 and had left when he was 18 when the struggle of working and studying became too much. But he needed money so he had been working a few days in a bar every week for the past 4 years.

“I like, you know, standing behind the bar, socializing and stuff, it has become part of my niche.” I scrunched my nose; I had never been to a bar before in my life. I had started dating him when I was barely 17 and he didn’t want me to go out, not even with him. “I’ve never been to a bar before.” I confessed. He stopped walking for a few seconds, staring at me.

I fidgeted nervously and bit my lip. “You should come with me and my friends, I’m off from work tonight.” I shook my head out of habit, he pouted and battered his eyelashes a few times. “Come on, you need to get out there Amélie, experience and live!” He punched his fist in the air, like he was giving an inspiring speech. I laughed. He had such a love for life.

We eventually stopped walking and arrived at a little coffee shop. We stopped at a cosy little coffee shop, “let’s get some tea shall we?” he said, opening the door for me again. This time I didn’t hesitate and just blushed a little as I walked inside, the paper back with the slices of cake still in my hands.

“Harold!” a loud, exciting voice called out. “Liam, mate, you coming tonight?” He nodded enthusiastically as he took our order. I offered to pay but Harry wouldn’t let me. Liam’s being scared me a little at first, he was almost as tall as Harry but more built, he was wearing a tight t-shirt with an apron and his muscled arms seemed to be on the brink of tearing the shirt apart.

I had stepped back when I had first laid eyes on him, but after trying to push away my nerves and fear I had learned that Liam was almost like a loyal and excited dog. “You coming tonight as well Amélie?” Harry asked me.

I started to shake my head which somehow turned into an internal debate. I couldn’t let him control every move I make for the rest of my life now could I? I took a deep breath as I balled up my fists and squared my shoulders, closing my eyes. “Okay”, opening my eyes Liam seemed a little amused by me, but it didn’t bother me.

“Really?” Harry asked happily, I nodded. “Great!” Liam beamed, “Niall, Louis and Zayn or coming as well by the way.” He smiled before excusing himself because he had to get back to work. “Why don’t you go and pick a table so we can drink our tea, if that’s alright with you?” he said, “Excuse me, I need a wee”, he added.

I smiled and nodded before heading to the back of the small space. The building wasn’t that big, a bit smaller than your average terraced house. A bar covered the right wall, it was filled with cupcakes and pastries and colourful mugs, it looked like an odd place for Liam to work but he somehow fitted right in as well. The rest of the room was decorated with small wooden tables able to seat two or four people, a small cupboard was placed against the wall where you could purchase different assortments of tea and coffee. I took off my coat and scarf and placed them on the chair next to mine.

I put the little paper bag on the table and waited for Harry to return when a hand covered my shoulder, making me jump up a little. “Relax love, it’s just me bringing the tea.” Liam didn’t seem to notice my little scare so I just smiled at him.

When Harry came back he took off his jacket and my eyes widened when I saw his tattoos. I had always loved tattoos, but he thought they were vulgar and used to get angry with me for even remotely liking the look of them. I wondered what they would feel like, would I be able to feel the lines of the designs as I traced his skin?

“Amélie,” I blinked and blushed before looking down, taking a sip of my tea again, “Sorry,” I murmured.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much to Jamie for editing this chapter, this story wouldn't be this way without her.  
> Warning: chapter contains mentions of abuse and rape, although not really explicitly.

I closed the tap with my shaking hand, my face looked really pale even though I was expecting my cheeks to be right red. I was going out tonight, for the first time in forever. It was safe to safe to say that I was shitting myself, figuratively, obviously.

There were moments when I was getting ready that I regretted saying yes. My heart was pumping blood through my veins viciously and I could feel the beats against my chest. The anxiety that roamed my body was rocking sky high but that's when the adrenaline kicked in. I began to feel excited... At least I think it was excitement. The vicious beating started to turn into more of a flutter and my imagination started playing scenarios that awakened my curiosity. My mind started to remind me of things that I don't like: I don't like crowds. I don't like unwanted contact with people I don't know, not after him.

I shook the tiny droplets of water from my hands before drying them with the blue, fluffy towel on my right. In the time before preparing for tonight I looked up some breathing exercises. Inhale and exhale, inhale and exhale, inhale and exhale... I signed and inspected my face one last time in the mirror. I hadn't worn make-up in a few years. I had forgotten how much fun drawing a black line on my eye was. The colours of make up are fun. You can create a galaxy on your eyelid. It can be sparkly, matte, or both. It can be blended or not blended. It can be dark or it can be light. Why would any one be against creating a masterpiece? I mean that's what make-up is right... A masterpiece. For centuries people have used make up to show power, to represent who they are. That's amazing. For the first time in forever, I am controlling my life not him.

It doesn't feel like a task anymore. Putting on make up now isn't about hiding the blues, yellows and the blacks from my body; it's about the celebration of my favourite features. My face is not too pretty, too pure or too innocent for anything. He destroyed the innocence of everything but I am taking back the innocent love of make up.

But after a while I had to, to hide the traces he would leave on my body whenever he had been angry or annoyed with me. Somewhere along the way of hiding the blues, yellows and blacks from the bruises I started finding joy in putting on makeup. It made me feel like a different person, a stronger person. He would always tell me my face was too pretty, too pure and too innocent for makeup but after he started to get hard-handed, he didn't leave me a choice and for once in our poisonous relationship, he had let me.

_Flashback_

_I whimpered when I slammed the bathroom door behind me, my back hit the hard wooden door before I slowly slid down and landed on the floor, sighing I closed my eyes. Tears escaping my eyes once again, I felt like I was always crying when I was with him. It made me feel weak; it made me feel stupid and worthless. I brought my shaking hands to my face and wiped them away angrily. The side of my face was still aching and throbbing, I could still feel the shape of his hand stinging on my cheek. It made me feel dirty; it made me feel like I was beneath him._

_A soft knock interrupted my thinking and I yelped in fear, my hand covering my mouth._

_"Did you just fucking whimper Amélie?" His voice wasn't as loud and angry, as it had been minutes ago, I didn't reply. He sighed and a noise above made me thing that he had placed his forehead against the door. "Open the door Amélie." His voice didn't show a hint of remorse, on the contrary, he sounded impatient. I knew better than to let him wait, so I opened the door slowly. His hand however pushed the door open faster making me jump back a little as he stepped closer to me. He sighed when he saw my face._

_"For fuck sake Amélie, why are you so damn weak?" He pushed against my shoulders making me stumble back, I groaned when the hard tablet of the sink pressed against my upper back, leaving another bruise. He pointed at the side of my face, "You should put some makeup on it, I don't want to see that shit on your face." He hissed at me before taking a step back, his eyes on my shaking form, he snickered. "I don't understand why you're so scared babe, you should be happy with someone like me." Pacing forwards once more until his hips pinned me against the small space between the shower and the sink._

_"You're so fucking weak and pathetic, you should be happy someone even wants you. You should be happy I treat you this good baby."_

_I closed my eyes as his lips roughly ghosted over my jaw, his stubble itching and probably reddening my skin. His hand grabbed my chin forcing me to look up, "You're mine. Never ever forget that." He said, his eyes nearly spitting fire as he released his hold on my chin and quickly paced away, leaving me in the bathroom, slamming the door behind him._

 

I shook my head, as if I could just shake it all away and grabbed the light green, plastic box from the middle shelf that contained my lipsticks. I had collected quite a lot over the years, my lips where the only thing I liked about myself. I picked a brown toned nude lipstick and took a step back to look at myself. I smiled; I actually liked the image looking back at me for once. He wouldn't allow me to wear lipstick, because it made me too 'tempting', it made me attract attention from others and he wouldn't have that, because I was supposed to be his.

My hair messily curled from when I went to bed with wet hair last night. I was wearing my favourite black skinny jeans with one of my favourite shirts; I wasn't really into wearing dresses. Mostly because he had loved them so much on me, he always used to say how easy dresses where to get what belonged to him. I shivered at the thought and left the bathroom.

Grabbing my light brown bag, I doubled checked to see if I had all my essentials checking if I had everything. My childhood memories of going to a birthday party were beginning to reappear... I felt that childhood excitement. I felt like a child getting ready to go to a birthday party. However, in the back of my mind there was this little voice, a voice that I had been ignoring as much as possible since I had ran from him.

Why do you trust them?

How stupid are you? Going out with some guys you've just met?

I bit my lip and pushed the voice back to the back of my mind, I needed this. I needed to experience new things. I needed to get out of my flat. I needed to do things I had always wanted to do but was always afraid to do. I needed to it for me. I wanted to do things he wouldn't let me. It made me feel powerful and in control of myself, it made me feel powerful.

There was a sudden knock on my door and on the other side I found a wide smiling Harry. A knock on my door interrupted my busy mind, opening the door I found wide smiling Harry.

"Amélie" he smiled, leaning to give me a quick side hug. I instantly froze, which he seemed to notice but tried to relax as quickly as possible.

Walking down the flights of stairs was awkward to say the least. When we only had one floor left Harry abruptly stopped and turned around, making me bump into him. His hand grabbed my arms and I froze again. My heart started viciously beating, my eyes pressed firmly closed. His hands left me the same second. I opened my eyes seeming his hands in the air, I was dreading looking into his eyes, fear of finding pity but there was none. His eyes were filled with worry and a little confusion, which makes a change.

Again I seemed to get lost in his eyes, I wanted to swim in them, inspect them for hours and study every single detail about them, every little dot, every single line in his beautiful green eyes.

"You don't like being touched do you?" He almost whispered at me, his seemed to sparkle under the light that was filling the staircase. I nodded wanting to talk but voice seemed to have left me he shook his head immediately. "You don't have to tell me love". I blushed a little when he called me love.

"We've only know each other for what," he said while looking at his wrist like he was inspecting a watch, which he wasn't wearing, "Less than 12 hours?" I laughed at his silly expression; he smiled back at me, showing his adorable dimples, which made my heart flutter a little.

"No, but for real Amélie, I admire you, not many people would agree to go out with a bunch of guys the same day they met them."

I frowned and cleared my throat, looking down, "how many guys are a bunch of guys exactly?" I asked him, hoping he didn't hear the little sparkle of anxiety in my voice.

"Not that many to be honest," he said, "you've already met Liam and some other friends of mine are coming, we're in uni together, they're good lads." He smiled proudly; Harry had one of those smiles that affected you immediately, forcing you to smile with him.

"Come on", he said while he turned around again, his cheeks still round from smiling.

I followed him, my heart still in my stomach, excited for the evening. He waited when we arrived at the door, opening and stepping back, always a gentleman. I blushed and looked down as I quickened my pace, he would never open the door for me. I snickered mentally, I remember him making a massive scene only a few weeks after we had started dating, and how I had to show my respect for him by opening the door for him.

A black car was parked in front of the street. I could see Liam smiling and waving enthusiastically. I instantly smiled; thinking about this was probably the most I had smiled in a day ever. Liam's happy and warm voice filled the car when Harry opened the door for me.

"Amélie!" I greeted him back, trying to match his enthusiasm, which made him laugh as he drove off.

"The lads are meeting us there", Liam said after a few minutes of comfortable silence.

Nervous butterflies seemed to fill my stomach, fluttering their wings against the edges of my stomach. Liam's eyes met mine through the rear mirror; I nodded and pressed my lips together in a nervous smile, turning my head to the left so I could stare at the darkness outside.

"Next time we should go to the pub first", Liam said while wiggling his eyebrows at Harry, "relax a little before going to an expensive club."

Harry rolled his eyes, "it's Amélie's first time going out Liam. Do you want to get her pissed already?" His voice sounded a little disapproving, scolding even.

Liam shrugged, before meeting my eyes in the mirror again.

"Do you get drunk often Amélie?" Liam asked. I shook my head. I had had the occasional glass of wine at forced dinner parties or champagne during the holidays, but that was it. To be honest, alcohol wasn't really my thing. After experiencing the effects it had on him, I wasn't too keen on it.

_Flashback_

_It was almost like the frantic beating of my heart had transferred to the mattress of the hard bed. I swallowed nervously, trying to calm my breathing. I knew where he had been, what he had been doing. He had left hours ago, forbidding me to leave the house once again, saying he just wanted to protect me. The door had just banged close and I was happy we didn't live in an apartment, so he wouldn't wake anyone up._

_"Amélie!" his loud, drunken voice slurred through the house, his voice sounded so clear even though I was on the first floor while he was on the ground floor and several rooms between us. The door to our bedroom opened forcefully and I held my breath, squinted my eyes close, awaiting his actions._

_He ripped the sheets from the bed, which made my eyes open again in fear. His hands grabbed my arms and pressed them against the mattress, his hand roughly grabbed my breast while tears welded up in my eyes, a lump forming in my throat._

_I started struggling against his firm hold, whimpering as his hand closed around my neck while his other connecting with my face._

_"Shut up Amélie and let me take what belongs to me you little bitch."_

_A sob erupted from my throat, as hot tears made their way down my face, my body seemed overly sensitive to his rough hands. His hands felt like they were leaving a path of flames end burns on my body. He had always been the one to indicate sex; I didn't get what all the fuss was about anyways. Most of the time it just hurt a little but I guess that's just the way it's supposed to be, at least that's what he always told me. It would always hurt a little, but nothing compared to the pain he making me go through right now. It was like all those times bound together but worse, it felt like he was trying to split me open, break my bones by the force of it._

_One of his hands was digging in my hips; if he dug any harder I was scared that he was going to break my hips. His other hand had closed around my throat, squeezing hard. My hands grabbed and scratched at his arm but he wouldn't budge, it was like he didn't even notice._

_I could smell the alcohol coming from the fast pants coming out of his mouth._

"Amélie?" Liam repeated, confusion in his voice.

I quickly wiped away a single tear that had made its way down my cheek and looked away from Liam's curious glance. Harry had unbuckled his seat belt and turned around, looking at me with worry spread over his face, his hand hesitantly extended towards me. He seemed to be in a debate, I reached for his hand and lightly entwined my fingers through his. His hands were soft unlike his, I traced the cross that was inked on his hand softly. I could hear his breathing. I looked up to see his eyes, which had softened and Liam's curious gaze once again.

I shook my head, "I don't tend to drink often," I murmured, hoping that the emotion in my voice wasn't as bad as I thought it was.

I could see on Harry's face that he realized something was wrong but he didn't push me, which I almost wanted to thank him for. I smiled lightly before releasing his hand; I almost felt a certain loss doing so.

Liam turned up the radio and about 10 minutes later he arrived at a medium sized parking lot. Harry turned around once again.

"You sure you want to go, I would totally understand if you weren't up for it." His voice was smooth and filled with calmness and understanding.

I shook my head and smiled nervously at him, "I want to do this Harry".

He studied my face for a minute and nodded before getting out of the car, I followed quickly. Once inside my body quickly started reacting to everything. My eyes widened at how many people were actually inside, I almost felt like I had an out-of-body experience, the music was so loud, filling my ears and making my eardrums vibrate. I was definitely going to have a headache later.

The room was hot and musty from the sweating, drunk bodies and the smell of stale cigarettes danced around the room even though I had seen some signs saying it was forbidden. My heart sped up and dread filled my body within a fraction of a second. Harry noticed my state and lightly rubbed my arm, I expected my body to react in panic, like it always does. However, I felt myself relax under his light touch, his hands were so smooth.

He smiled tightly before moving closer, his lips against my ear, "are you sure about this Amélie?"

I just nodded. He wouldn't be able to hear my voice anyway. He mentioned me to follow him, which I did, he firmly grabbed my hand and pulled away from the sweaty and loud crowd. To a booth in the far corner, Liam had already joined them so I was greeted with 4 light up faces when we got closer. Various accents yelling, "Harry" or "Harold" filled my ears along with the beats of the music. A beautiful blond guy jumped up from his seat and almost ran over to us, his smile was so endearing, almost childlike it made me return a big smile.

Harry opened his mouth in warning but the blonde guy was too fast, his arms encircled my shoulders and hugged me tightly. I froze but tried not to let him notice.

"You must Amélie, nice to meet you!" an exciting Irish voice said against my ear. He was pulled off of me however almost instantly.

"Niall!" Harry scolded.

Niall gave him a puzzling smile before his eyes flashed with recognition.

He looked at me sheepishly, "sorry love!" he shouted before bolting back to the table.

Harry sighed and placed his hand on my lower back again, his constantly seemed to be scanning me, and making sure I was okay. It made me feel safe, I smiled and moved forward towards the table, which contained three buckets filled with eyes and glass bottles, cans of red bull and coke and other stuff I hadn't seen before. In the middle there was a metal tray with over a dozen of shot glasses, two little white bowls filled with packets of salt and lemon slices were placed next to it.

"Lads, this is the girl I've been talking about!" Liam yelled, "Amélie, meet Niall, Louis and Zayn."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it, feel free to leave comments or kuddos, it would make my day! :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much to Jamie for editing once again, you save my life every week!

My head was thrown back against the soft but sturdy material that covered the seats in the boot. It tickled my neck a little and the thought of the many necks or heads that had teach them filled my head, but I couldn’t care less at the moment. It had been years since I had felt this carefree, this light, free of worry and anxiety, truly enjoying myself instead of looking back, fearing to find him once more. 

“I shit you not Amélie, and then they ran after him like he had stolen something.” 

Tears were streaming down everyone’s faces, even though they all knew the story so well. Harry’s face was flushed from both the heat that filled the building and embarrassment from the story. Niall was nearly yelling because of the loud beats filling our ears, but nobody seemed to care. 

“You should’ve seen his face though when we yelled it through the entire store!” Louis cackled while whipping away some tears that had found their way down his cheeks.   
They cleared their throats on Louis’ queue and yelled, “Oh my god Harry you can’t just steal that!”

They all fell back in their seats and patted each other’s backs. “Then Louis pushed this bottle of tequila in his hands!” Zayn laughed. His voice had an interesting accent I liked it. Louis nodded eagerly while taking a big gulp from his glass, which was filled with vodka and red bull. I had been drinking one too and it had been surprisingly good.  
“His face just turned white and when the owner saw him he ran,” Liam wheezed before adding, “with the bottle still in his hands!” He absolutely lost it and clutched his stomach; probably remembering the story like it was yesterday. 

Next to me Harry groaned in embarrassment and took his face in his hands, pulling his hair a little with his long and bony fingers. The rest of the boys all awed but quickly started laughing after it, high fiving each other. I gently stroked his bended shoulders and back a little, I felt his muscles relax immediately under my touch, which made me smile proudly for some reason.

“Don’t feel too sorry for him Amélie,” Zayn laughed again, “it’s not like he doesn’t prank us every now and then.” 

His smile was beautiful and inviting, his teeth were a perfect pearl white, like you see in toothpaste commercials, all Harry’s friends were beautiful to be honest, but not as beautiful as Harry. Harry’s had shot up in defence, his eyebrows raised as he raised a finger towards Zayn.

“You fuckers always start!” They all howled and laughed.

“Ah young Harold, we can’t help it you’re so naïve!” Louis said, like he was some sort of old grandfather.

There was a comfortable ‘silence’ in the group, well; it’s what you specify as silence of course since the thumping music was really loud. But no one talked for a little while; we all just sat back, moving our upper bodies and heads along to the beats of the music as we finished our drinks. I think I was getting a little tipsy. I had drunk two vodka red bulls and a pasoa orange; it felt like my insides were really relaxed. Not a single ounce of anxiety or tension could be found in my body, I also felt a little tired but I remember always getting tired whenever I would drink a glass of wine at the mandatory dinner parties, he used to drag me to.

I surprised myself with not flinching thinking about him for the first time since I’d run from him, I smiled proudly as my eyes were closed and my head slowly rocked from the left to the right. I heard Harry chuckle beside me, when I opened my eyes his sparkling eyes were much closer than I had expected, my heart fluttered a little. My cheeks were filling with blood.

“What are you smiling about?” I shrugged and he laughed again, “I just realised this is the first time in a long time that I’m truly relaxed.” His eyes saddened a little but he nodded, looking down a little while biting his lips before looking up again, smiling.

It seemed like we had been staring at each other for hours before I heard Niall’s Irish and loud voice fill my ears, he screamed while punching his fists in the air and throwing his head back, “Tequila!” stretching the ‘a’ for what seemed like minutes.

I looked away from Harry, a little embarrassed when Niall and Louis started placing the shorts in front of everyone, before moving the tray away and placing the white bowls with salt and lemon slices to the middle of the table. I leaned towards Harry, feeling his long hair tickle the side of my face as I leaned closer, my lips barely touched his ear but even that light touch of my lips gently grazing his ear, sent shivers down my spine.

“I’ve never had tequila before,” I confessed to him, I’d always wanted to try it though, it always seemed so cool to me, seeing it in movies and TV series all the time.  
He chuckled, “it’s not that special to be honest,” he said after he’d turned his head, to press his lips against my ear, I prayed that he couldn’t see the goose bumps it gave me. I bit my lips and nodded, I almost felt like this was supposed to be like some sort of mile stone, I wanted to roll my eyes at myself for making such a big deal out tequila.

“Ready?” Harry said as he moved the small glasses closer to us, my finger traced the rim of the glass, the liquid filled the glass to the top, one more drop and it would spill.   
“Watch me,” he murmured before bringing his hand to his mouth and briefly licking the skin close to his thumb before sprinkling some salt on the spot he had just licked. My heart had fluttered when his tongue had darted out of his mouth to lick the spot, my cheeks had turned red and butterflies filled my stomach.

He looked up at me, holding the eye contact before swiftly licking the salt of his hand and taking the little shot glass from the table, I could see three drops glide down, wetting his finger before winking and bringing the glass to his lips, downing the liquid in one gulp while grabbing a slice of lemon from the bowl and biting it, tearing the pulp from the peel and placing it back on the table. 

He smiled before turning his body in the booth, folding one of legs under him, his right arm leaning on the side of the booth, his pushed the shot towards me while nodding encouragingly. 

Gripping the glass in my mind made me realize how chilled the glass was and the drops of liquid escaping from the glass felt pleasant against my heated skin. I brought my other hand to my lips and slowly licked a small spot, Harry’s eyes shifted to my mouth, his tongue darted out and licked his lips before he nibbled on it. He took a little packet of salt and ripped it open with his teeth while flickering his eyes to me and extending his eyes, asking for permission, I nodded.

His big hand felt soft against my little one as he sprinkled some salt on the spot I had just licked, “lick it,” his voice sounded a little rougher than before, which made the already present butterflies in my stomach flutter even more. Feeling brave raised my hand while keeping eye contact with him and slowly licked the salt from my hand. His eyes seemed to darken a little bit. 

I brought the glass to my lips and downed the shot, as the liquid filled my mouth I scrunched up my face. It tasted awful, I forced the bitterness down my throat and coughed a little as Harry handed me a lemon slice, an amused smile on his face.

“That was awful!” I wined, I had expected some sort of delicious shot that I couldn’t get enough of, but this had just tasted bitter, I shook my head as I focused on bitter after taste that still filled my mouth, sticking out my tongue a little with disgust, Harry threw his head back laughing while I heard some snickers around me. I blushed when I realized I had nearly forgotten we weren’t the only ones in the booth, I slumped forward a little as I tried to hide the redness of my cheeks.

A big hand gripped my shoulder, which made me tense a little but I relaxed when I saw it was just Niall.   
“You’ll get used to it, just wait until you get to do a body shot, now that’s fun!” He said while wiggling his eyebrows suggestively at me. Harry’s hand reached around me and slapped the back of his head, Niall yelped and massages the spot. 

“Mate, I was just joking!” he whined before turning around.

The difference between my reactions to Niall’s hand touching my shoulder and Harry’s hand was truly remarkable, I noticed. Niall’s hand made me freeze and jump for a little, even though I know him. Harry’s gesture on the other hand left two reactions: relaxation and butterflies. It was almost like my body could sense it was him, without knowing it’s him who is actually touching me. Whilst when Niall or Liam even grazes my shoulder, my body seems to want to go into lock down, like it wants to panic and make me believe it might be him.

“Oi oi!” Louis yelled when the music changed, “this is my song I need to dance!” he shouted over the music. 

What Louis didn’t seem to realize was that he was the one whom was seated at the end of the booth, and this booth only had one entrance/exit aka everyone had to get out so he could leave. 

“Let’s all go dancing lads!” he yelled excitingly when we all had gotten up from the booth, “and lass.” He quickly added when I raised my eyebrows at him. They all punched each other’s shoulders excitingly before heading to the dancing crowd like exciting dogs whom were being let lose in a park.  
Harry gently traced my hand with his fingers while he placed his body merely inches in front of mine, bringing his face to my ear. 

“Do you want to go dance?” he started, “don’t feel obligated, we don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

I eyed the crowd nervously while nibbling on my lip, the room was packed with dancing people and my stomach filled with a mixture of emotions. I felt like I had to do this, I needed to get over him, I needed to start living my life without fear, I needed to start living for me. On the other hand I was also petrified of so many bodies getting really close to mine. Then there was also a feeling of excitement, the possibility of dancing with Harry but there was also guilt. He wouldn’t be able to dance like his friends if I would decide not to dance. 

I just nodded at him with an encouraging smile on my face, afraid that he would hear the uncertainty and fear in my voice. I quickly turned around and grabbed my unfinished drink before facing Harry again. I smiled, showing his dimples that I wanted to dip my finger in and gently waved his fingers through mine, pulling my body behind him as we moved closer and closer towards the dance floor. With each step we took, the music seemed to get louder and the air in the room seemed to get thicker, my heart started beating faster and my body felt hot and cold at the same time. I closed my eyes briefly, forcing my body to ignore the angst I was feeling.

You can’t do this, you’ll probably just freak out after 10 seconds.

Why are you even trying, you’re pathetic?

I wanted to scream at the part of my brain that was trying to tell me that this was a bad idea, the part of my brain that always told me to hide and be cautious, to always live in fear and to always look over my shoulder.

Harry’s hand tightened around mine that made me open my eyes, his eyes seemed a little worried but his face was filled with sympathy. I was glad he didn’t pull me to the middle of the room, we passed a few people and eventually stopped when we reached an area which wasn’t as packed at the middle of the dance floor. 

He started swaying his body to the beat of the music, his eyes closed and his face leaned back a little. The blue lights that flickered over the room lightened up his face every now and then. I stared at him in awe; he was just so beautiful it made me feel average, especially when I noticed some girls around us staring at him like he was some piece of chocolate cake.

For some reason I felt anger and jealousy fill my body and I wasn’t sure why, it wasn’t like we were dating or anything I mean, hell we’d only met each other only hours before this. It also made me wonder why I trusted him so much already, why I felt so comfortable with someone so soon, was I going mad? I scoffed at myself and fished the black straw out of my drink before throwing it on the ground like I had seen some people do before. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and downed the remaining drink in a few big gulps before looking around and place the glass on the nearest high table.

Harry smirked at me as I almost instantly felt the effects the drink had on me, my mind seemed to get a little cloudy and my tensed shoulders relaxed. I smiled at him and threw my head back, moving my body with the hard and thumping beat of the music. Swaying my hips and whipping my hair I heard Harry laughed as he stepped closer to me, his upper arm resting on my shoulder as he copied my dance moves. Swaying his hips and whipping his hair around, which caused some of the longer strands of his hair to gently stroke my face every now and then. 

I laughed and rested one of my arms on his shoulder as well, we danced like this for what both seemed like an eternity but also felt like mere seconds before I felt people bump into me, making me trip and crash into Harry’s chest. Looking around my eyes widened, the room seemed to have filled with much more people and the not-so-crowded part we had been dancing in had suddenly become even more crowded than the part of the room we had been trying to avoid. Hands and bodies touched me, bumped into me making me feel cornered and trapped and I felt my body involuntarily starting to shake.

I felt my heart sped up in my chest and it was almost like it moved to my throat, my chest felt like it was being filled with pressure but my ribcage couldn’t hold it. It felt like it was clenching itself onto my chest, like it was filling my heart and my lungs with pain and discomfort. It felt like the pain was pushing against my ribs, like it wanted to escape my body but somehow my body wouldn’t let it out. Like my chest was too small and like my midriff was going to burst into a million pieces at any second. It made me want to scratch myself, it made my toes clench together. My head felt like it was on fire while my hands were so cold it was like they had turned into massive blocks of ice.

The edges of my vision were getting blurry and my eyes widened in fear of what I knew was coming next, my breathing was laboured, my stomach turned and the sound of the loud beating music changed like it I had been dropped in a swimming pool and hadn’t resurfaced yet.

I froze completely aside from some hard bodies bumping into me, Harry came in vision and I saw that his eyes were widened in panic, I could see his lips move but I couldn’t hear anything, I could see his hands reach for me but I couldn’t feel them, even though I was expecting his touch to calm me a little it was like I was under anaesthesia. I wanted to turned around and look for the nearest exit but I couldn’t make my body move, the only thing I felt was my body getting heavier and heavier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave some kudos or a comment, I would love to hear what you think about the story so far!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for Jamie for editing, you're a real champ!

HARRY

I finally spotted the perfect spot for her, not too crowded with some tables on the side, not too far away from the toilets and the emergency exit, just in case. Meeting her had turned my mind upside down; she seemed so driven and powerful but shy and fragile at the same time. While she was quite obviously introverted, she had this likeable and laid back persona about her. 

I had never met someone like Amelie before nor had I ever met someone whom was so liked by all of my friends as well. There was always something ‘not quite right’ with the girl I’d introduce them to. Niall wouldn’t like how she acted around them or Liam wouldn’t like the way she looked at other guys in the room. Zayn wouldn’t like her obnoxious flirting around them and so on. 

Turning around I noticed how tense her face was. Her eyes were closed and pressed together tightly. I worried about her, I didn’t know what had happened to her but I didn’t doubt it was something bad. I also don’t know why I was already so attached to her company and attracted to everything that was about her. I had never seen eyes like hers, they looked like they contained millions of pure and innocent souls but filled with emotions and experiences. But they also seemed guarded, the way a mother lion’s eyes looked when protecting her cubs, never completely relaxed, always at the tip of her seat waiting for something bad to happen.

It amazed me how much she seemed to trust me even though we’d only met less than 24 hours ago. When I had bumped into her she had freaked out and screamed, but now here she was. My hand wrapped firmly around her, her eyes closed, trusting me completely, letting me guide her through a place that was probably one of her worst nightmares.  
I tightened my hand around hers, hoping to comfort her a little, which made her open her beautiful eyes. I started swaying my body to the music a little, hoping to avoid the awkward ‘what to do now’ when you finally found a spot on a dancefloor. I closed my eyes a little, letting the blue lights hit my face. 

I looked down at her again, her face seemed somewhat annoyed, but I couldn’t seem to find out the reason for her annoyance. Before I could ask however, she fished her straw out of her drink and threw it away. She looked at the glass with concentration and took a deep breath before bringing the glass to her full lips. She closed her eyes and downed the remaining liquid in a few big gulps, which she was undoubtedly going to feel the result of in a few minutes.

Her eyes scanned her surroundings before she took a few steps back and placed the glass on one of the tables that were pressed against the black wall. Turning back to me I smirked, imagining the relaxation that undoubtedly was filling her body right now, her shoulders seemed to relax on the spot and she leaned her head back a little with a lazy smile on her face, which glowed under the blue and pink lights which were filling the room. She moved her body to the hard and rhythmic beats of the loud music, swaying her hips.

She looked so beautiful, I hadn’t expected to see her so relaxed just yet, she always seemed to nervous and guarded I thought maybe with time I would earn her trust and eventually be lucky enough to witness her in a state where she would be completely comfortable with her surroundings and with me. As she whipped her hair around I laughed and moved closer to her, I couldn’t keep myself from not being closer to her. I slowly lifted my arm to rest my upper arm on her shoulder; she didn’t seem to mind so I started copying her dance moves. 

After a few minutes she I felt her arm on my shoulder as well which made me smile even wider, I opened my eyes and looked at her, her eyes were closed once again and her forehead seemed a little damp. It was incredibly hot in here after all, looking over her head I saw Niall standing on one of the little tables a few metres away from us, a bottle of vodka in one hand while the other one was fisted up in air while singing along to the deafening music. He spotted me after a few seconds and pointed at me, yelling something I couldn’t understand, he wiggled his eyebrows at the closeness of Amélie and I before turning around to dance with the blonde girl that had joined him on the table.

I shook my head before Amélie crashed into my chest, my hands quickly reached for her, I looked down immediately and felt a wave of regret hit me. I shouldn’t have brought her here, in a place she obviously wouldn’t feel safe, he place that seemed so out of her scene. The not-so-crowded spot we had been dancing was suddenly filled with drunken people, dancing so wildly they kept crashing into everyone on their way.

Her eyes were wide open and were filled with fear along with the rest of her face, it almost seemed like her eyes were somewhere else, like they didn’t seem to notice me, like she hadn’t noticed me grabbing her arms to steady her, like her mind was somewhere else.

I could feel her body shaking against mind; I could feel how unsteady she was just by touching her arms. I pushed her away from my body a little but still held her arms firmly, I was too afraid to let go of her yet. Her chest was moving up and down rapidly while her lips were parted, almost heaving. Her eyes moving frantically to every corner of the room but it was like she was not seeing anything. 

Suddenly the shaking stopped but her breathing became more and more laboured, her eyes almost seemed to droop a little, and her lulled back a little like a rag doll. She seemed to notice my presence.

“Amélie!” I screamed but she didn’t seem to notice, her eyes moved to my lips, “Amélie, what do I do? What can I do to help you!” 

I yelled in panic, I felt completely and utterly useful, I wanted to help her, I wanted to do anything to help her but I didn’t know how. I looked around in panic, when I noticed Niall looking at us in confusion, still on the table he had been dancing on just minutes before. When he noticed my panic and Amélie’s frozen body in my hands. I wanted to yell for him to come over and help me but as my lips formed the first word of my sentence Amélie collapsed in my arms, her eyes rolled back and her body fell against mine. 

I lifted her small frame against mine, one of my arms supporting her back while the other one found its way under her knees so I could lift her up. Looking around I wanted to give myself and pat on my shoulder, I made my way through the sweating and loud mass of bodies before finally heading towards the thank to god abandoned toilets. Looking down at her limp body I felt incredibly worried, I kept yelling her name and pleas for her to wake up, to hear me but she was still unresponsive.

I swiftly paced by the toilets, to the back; I hadn’t mentioned to her yet that I worked here. I pushed the door open with my shoulder when I heard a loud Irish voice behind me, “Harry, let me help.” He said while running towards us, keeping the door open for us I urged us inside.

“Is she okay?” Niall said while I paced through the long hallway.

When I finally found the small room I always used to spend my short breaks in. I motioned for Niall to open the door. I wanted to thank the gods on my bare knees when nobody was in the room, but then again, it was a very busy night. The room seemed a bit dirty at first glance but it was just old, the walls were covered with old green, blotted paint and there was an old, dilapidated dark brown leather couch against right wall. 

There was a rundown wooden table with four chairs that came from different sets of chairs, which made it a complete missed match of furniture, but it somehow had its charm I guess. There was a clock that has lost one of its arms and a few old and ripped posters on the wall. The room didn’t seem to fit looking at how modern the building was, but I thought it added character.

I gently placed her on the musty couch before checking if she was okay, her heartbeat seemed normal which calmed me down a little. Niall had placed himself on one of the chairs but I couldn’t sit still, I rubbed my hands against my jeans and paced the room.

“Harry for fuck sake! Sit down.” Niall moaned after about five minutes of me walking back and forward nervously. 

“I can’t Niall, why isn’t she waking up?” I nearly growled at him, he put his hands up while raising his eyebrows. 

“Relax dude, I didn’t mean anything by it,” he started, “Harry mate, she’ll be alright.”

I sighed as I followed his advice and sat down, my elbows resting on my knees, my face in my hands, when I heard a whimper.

My head shot up immediately, her body was shaking again, tears were escaping from her eyes, rolling over her rose cheeks, her head moving from side to side in panic. Her breathing turned from slow and peaceful to shallow and rapid, her chest moving up and down, her body shaking once again as a scream of terror escaped her lips.

 

AMELIE

 

I’ll find you wherever you are Amélie, don’t you ever fucking forget that!

You’re mine and mine alone you piece of shit!

You can’t do anything right can you?

You knew you couldn’t do this you’re too pathetic, you’re too weak!

You’re a joke Amélie!

Nobody will ever love you Amélie, I’ll make sure of that.

You don’t deserve my love Amélie, you should be happy I want someone like you.

I’ll find you Amélie, and when I do I’ll make sure you’ll never be able to see him again, I’ll make sure he’ll suffer for ever coming close to you.

His angry voice filled my head, pictures of him with a broken glass bottle, blood on his hands; his crazed gaze filled my head. The-oh-so familiar feeling of powerlessness, angst and fear filled me again. His words got faster and harder, louder and more painful. Visions of him hurting me, throwing stuff, hurting Harry all filled my head at once. One sentences blurred another out but I could still hear them at the back of my head somehow. 

It was like I could feel his hands around my throat again, like I could feel his hot breath against my neck as he held me in place again, like I could hear him scream in my ear, like I could feel the palm of his hand connect with my face again. I screamed, I screamed not just for help but I screamed at the feeling of helplessness and powerlessness. I screamed because even though I had escaped his grip, his violence, here I was again. I hadn’t escaped him, he was still in my mind, and he still controlled my life. Always looking back in fear of him, never letting go, always watching my step all because of him. Because he was still out there, looking for me, because I belonged to him.

He raised his hand ready to hit me across my cheek when I felt two soft hands touch my face, my eyes opened in panic and I screamed once again as I pushed against the person whom had just touched me. I felt hot tears hit my cheeks as I made my way from the blotched sofa, my legs shaking so hard I couldn’t control them, my elbows scraped against the rough wooden floor when I fell and I pushed myself away from the shadows I had seen in the dusty smelling room until my back came in contact with the wall in the corner of the room.

The room was barely lit, apart from this old and faint lamp in the other corner of the room and a scream escaped my throat again as my blurry vision noticed two dark shadows rushing towards me. I pulled my knees up and covered my face with arms, trying to cross them in front of me as a shield while still shaking.

I all I could hear was voices far, far away. It sounded like I was at the bottom of a swimming pool, like something was muffling my hearing. Two hands gently grabbed my face again and I closed my eyes in panic, waiting for the pain, waiting for the familiar feeling of being hurt against my will again, but it didn’t come. Thumbs wiped away the endless of amount of tears that were still escaping from my eyes.

I hated that I would always cry. People say that ‘crying, from day one, doesn’t mean you’re weak, it shows that you’re human’, then why did it make me feel like I was incapable of living.

Something hot pressed against my forehead and an amazing smelling scent filled my senses, I knew there was a voice talking to me but the voice filling my head were too loud. It was like the person whom was right in front of me was at the other side of the room, like there was a thick wall between the two of us and the person was just whispering while his screaming and hurtful voice filled my head like he was standing behind me.

 

HARRY

 

I pressed my forehead against hers, she was whimpering, shaking and still crying. God I hated seeing her cry, seeing fear in her eyes. I knew she wasn’t afraid of me, I realized she didn’t realize it was me but the fear and the pain that I saw in her eyes as she pushed me away was absolutely awful. It filled my gut with pain and worry for what was going on in that mind of hers.

I kept murmuring her name, trying to calm her down, telling her to focus on my voice, to focus on what was happening right in front of her but she didn’t seem to hear me. Tears filled my eyes eventually. I could hear Niall curse under his breath behind me.

“Amélie, please,” I begged her, her breathing stocked in her throat, and her whimpering turned into inaudible whispering which after while turned into my name, I released a breath I wasn’t realizing I was holding.

Her eyes were closed but tears were still making their way down her soft face, she wasn’t shaking as much anymore as she had been minutes before. She kept repeating my name over and over again, which filled my body with some sort of relief, she also wasn’t pushing against me anymore. Her small hands had closed themselves around my wrists and she was resting her head against mine.

“Holy shit,” I heard Niall say behind me, I heard a chair make a noise out of protest as he dumped his entire body weight on the chair.

“What the fuck happened to her mate?” I heard him say.

“Not now Niall!” I murmured as I could finally hear her breathing get calmer.

“I’m so sorry Harry,” she sobbed, “I’m so sorry.”

She kept repeating those words over and over again as I gently pulled her out of the corner of the room and places her sideways into my lap, her head against my chest, her shoulder almost digging against my ribs but I didn’t care.

“It’s alright Amélie,” I whispered as I ran my hand through her hair, and gently stroked her shoulder and arms afterwards. 

“It’s all going to be okay,” I whispered, my lips against the top of her head, in her soft hair. “You’re safe, I’ll keep you safe Amélie.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think, what you feel, etc! I have no clue if people actually like/enjoy this story or not, you have no idea how much a comment (or kuddos) would mean to me!!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to Jamie for editing! X

_It’s all right Amélie._

_It’s all going to be okay._

_You’re safe, I’ll keep you safe Amélie._

These words stayed with me throughout the night, for the first time in a while I was able to sleep without having any nightmares, without waking up drowning in my tears or sweat. His words filled my head and comforted my heart, making me feel like I was floating somewhere on a soft and warm cloud, while in reality I was just safely tucked into my warm and cosy bed.

Amongst the warm and fuzzy feelings, there was some dread and annoyance buried deep inside of me as well. I had ruined the evening. Why did I have to freak out again? Why did I have to panic again? Why did I have to black out? Why did I have to scare Harry and his friends away?

They wouldn’t admit they were freaked out but I could see it in their eyes. I could see the pity in Niall’s eyes when he had slowly urged forward to help Harry get me to car, I had seen the confusion in Louis’ eyes and the worry in Liam’s as they stood near the exit when they said goodbye to us. It was like I still felt their confused gazes burning into me; I knew they deserved an explanation, Harry especially.

I just couldn’t. Thinking about it made my heart beat faster and made the anxiety rush through my veins, it was something I had locked away in a box and buried in the back of my mind. Knowing it’s there, but desperately trying to forget.

I had noticed Niall’s eyes focused on my in the rear mirror, my head resting against Harry’s warm shoulder while his hand was still softly running up and down my arm in a calming pace. I had felt so peaceful in that moment. It was like my mind was blank, no worries, no nothing, just enjoying his touch and warmth. There was no music in the car, but somehow I liked it.

I had always hated being in a room without music, be it just the radio or one of my favourite cd’s or vinyl’s. Be it pop music or my favourite instrumental songs from Ludovico Einaudi to Yann Tiersen’s soundtrack for “le fabuleux destin d’Amélie Poulain.” Another thing _he_ had disliked about me, one of the many things that bothered him.

_“It’s not real music_ ,” he had said one day while taking my favourite albums and snapping them in half right in front of me, each loud snap made me flinch and made tears well up in my eyes.

_“You shouldn’t like music like that,”_ he had added, “ _it’s boring.”_

The first thing I had done when I had finally gotten away from him, was buy them again. It may sound silly and nothing special at all, but at the time it had felt like such an accomplishment, I felt like my own person again, like I could do anything I wanted, I could make my own decisions.

The silence felt comforting for once, instead of empty, it soothed my ears that were still hurting a little from the loud music from before.

Harry murmured something to Niall before helping me upstairs to my little flat, his arm secure around my waist, almost carrying me upstairs. His fingers dug softly into my side, my head still resting gently against his shoulder.

I heard his voice murmur softly but my mind seemed so tired I didn’t make out the exact words. A soft touch gently moved away some strays of hair that had landed on my face and tucked them behind my ear.

“Where are your keys Amélie?” he said while barely touching my chin with his index finger, mentioning for me to look up at him. His eyes weren’t filled with worry anymore, which made me smile. I wanted to grab my bag but suddenly realized I didn’t feel the familiar tug of my bag against my shoulder, I panicked a little, my eyes widened.

Harry bit his lip and blushed while looking at his side he grabbed something of his shoulder, dangling my bag in front of me.

“Sorry,” he started, his voice a little hoarse, “I forgot I’d taken it.”

Walking inside he guided me to my couch, gently placing his hands on my shoulders and pressing me down, he made sure I was all right before he moved away from me. I was staring at the black screen on my television in front of me, there wasn’t anything to see but somehow I couldn’t bring myself to move my eyes and look for Harry.

He switched on the lamp on the left side of the television and the one in the corner next to me before he quickly paced to the kitchen and switched on the lights that were built into the extractor fan. The bright main lights from the living room area were switched off, it soothed my eyes a little as they were sore from crying.

The room looked warm, cosy and radiant without the main lights. I listened to his every move and before I knew it he was crouching down in front of me handing me a steaming cup of tea.

‘I hope you didn’t mind me using your kitchen,’ he said while smiling lightly, ‘milk and sugar right?’

I smiled and nodded, surprised he remembered. He carefully handed me the mug, trying his best not to burn his fingers or mine in the process. Feeling the nice warmth from the cup warm my fingers made me shiver. Harry frowned and tucked some lost strands of hair behind my ear before standing up, one of his knees made a cracking noise in protest.

About a minute later I felt my favourite fluffy blanket around my shoulders, I looked up to see Harry smiling triumphantly, which made me smile at him in return. I was hoping he was going to sit down next to me but he looked up all of a sudden and darted back into the kitchen. I heard some cupboards open swiftly, the clatter of a plate being taken out of one and the creaking of something wrapped in plastic being opened.

A plate with a chocolate muffin was placed in front of me.

“I thought you could use some sugar in your system as well.’ He murmured, scratching the back of his neck nervously, he turned around again and walked over to one of the cupboards filling my living room. His fingers traced the radio and the turntable standing on it, after that he tapped each and every cd and vinyl which were stacked on there as well.

It looked a little like a mess, but I liked to see my cd’s and vinyl’s, just like I liked to see my books and DVD’s, it somehow gave me sense of cosiness.

“You have a lot of classical music,” he noted, his back still turned to me.

I heard the clatter of a cd being picked from the stack; I turned my head and saw him holding up my absolute favourite cd.

‘” _le fabuleux destin d’Amélie Poulain_?” he said, his eyes were filled with recognition and curiosity.

I bit my lip and nodded.

“I always loved that movie,” I admitted, “but I fell in love with the music even before that.”

He smiled.

“yeah, it’s one of my favourite movie soundtracks too.” He put his finger on his cheek, like a thinking motion. “I think its part of my favourite music ever, period.”

I beamed at his answer.

“The lads don’t really like that kind of music,” he said while turning around and putting the cd in the cd player.

“The movie is great too,” his back still facing me, “especially the girl.”

I frowned a little before he turned back around his eyes held a glimpse of mischief. “I really like her name.”

I blushed when he stuck out his tongue and sat down next to me. We were quiet for about six songs, humming along every now and then, mumbling about how this was his or mine favourite song. We both finished our tea and shared the muffin before I sighed and leaned my head back, closing my eyes.

“I know you’re probably curious what happened to me,” I whispered barely above the music. “But I can’t tell you everything,” he took a breath, initiating he wanted to say something but I stopped him.

“It’s not that I don’t want to Harry, I just can’t,” I huffed in frustration opening my eyes again, turning my head I looked at him. “I physically can’t tell you, it’s like my brain can’t handle it.”

He nodded, compassion in his eyes instead of pity, I was grateful for that. He gently cupped my face in his hands.

“Amélie, don’t ever feel like you have to tell me. I understand, I really do and I will be here whenever you feel like talking about it. I don’t care if it’s in 3 weeks or 3 years,” he took a deep breath and smiled. “I care about you Amélie, much more than you think.”

I blushed and looked down while mumbling something along the lines of thank you and I feel the same way, although I wasn’t quite sure he had caught what I had said.

“I’m going to go back home,” he said while getting up, “you should sleep in tomorrow, you’re probably exhausted.”

He wanted to take a step away from me but I stopped him by grabbing his hand and got up, he turned around, a confused look plastered his face.

“My ex used to be really abusive, mentally and physically.” I started, a shiver in my voice, “all you need to know for now is that he saw me as his possession.”

His face softened visibly.

“I went to the police and ran from him.”

“Why are you still afraid of him Amélie? He can’t harm you?” he murmured while stroking my face.

I shook my head. I started to well up again.

“I said I went to the police,” I started, my voice a little hoarse, “they never caught him, they’re still looking for him.”

His eyes widened a bit as he pulled me into a tight, breath-taking hug. We sat like that for what felt like hours.

“I can’t tell you about what he did to me or what he was like, not yet.” I murmured into his shoulder, his hair tickling the sides of my face.

He pulled back and grabbed my face again, stroking my cheeks with his thumb; I instantly relaxed under his touch.

“Thank you for sharing that with me Amélie,” he started, “I won’t tell you not to be afraid because I know it’s not that simple.”

I nodded, my hands enclosing around his wrists.

“But I want you to know that I’ll always be here for you all right.” He waited until I nodded before continuing, “I’m serious Amélie, if you need me or you’re afraid just call me and I’ll come over or you can come over, we’ll figure something out.”

We stood like this for a good ten minutes, soft piano music playing in the background, staring and it each other with a newfound trust. I felt like I could trust him completely, even though I hadn’t even known him for a proper day. Weird feelings filled my stomach, there was something nibbling at the pit of my stomach.

It wasn’t necessarily easy translatable, it was a kind of ‘what if’ feeling.

_What if he’s just using you?_

_What if he doesn’t really care for you?_

_What if he won’t be there for you?_

_What if he’ll just leave you one day?_

_What if he’ll hurt you?_

_What if he’s like him…_

 

I had woken up to the sunlight brushing against my face through the inch of my curtains that weren’t properly closed. I sighed contently, brushing my eyes as if I was trying to brush away everything that had happened the night before. I hope they wouldn’t dislike me or think of me as an anomalously, I just wanted to be normal, just for once.

Just for once I didn’t want to be that girl who can’t go out because she’ll have a panic attack. Just for once I didn’t want to be that girl that would freak out whenever someone would put a hand on her shoulder. I didn’t want to be that girl who would look over her shoulder every few minutes out of habit, just in case. I was over and done being that girl, but I couldn’t shake her off, I didn’t know how to make her leave, how to make her disappear.

I sighed hoisting myself out of bed, wincing at the sore feeling of my eyes. Even though my mind felt well rested my body seemed to feel absolutely exhausted.

Walking into the kitchen after freshening up, I grabbed some breakfast and turned on some music, not bothering to change the cd, I was hit with some overwhelming emotions which were still lingering somewhere from everything that happened last night, but it seemed like there were no tears left in body.

Sitting under the blanket I hadn’t put away last night, I sat in silence, eating my cereal whilst enjoying the music, smiling at certain memories. I didn’t do anything that day, partly because it was a Sunday and I didn’t have to go to work and partly because I really didn’t feel like leaving the house. I watched some episodes of F.R.I.E.N.D.S and listened to some more music, not even bothering the clean up my apartment.

It was about 7 pm when my phone made a beeping noise from my room, cursing I thought it was dying so I grabbed my charger and ran to the bedroom, grabbing my phone however I noticed my battery wasn’t empty at all, but I had received a text message. Excitement filled my body, it may sound stupid, being excited for text, but you see, I wasn’t used to receiving texts at all. My boss would call the landline first because she knows I barely leave my apartment anyways.

**Harry: Hey, how was your day? I’m sorry I didn’t text you sooner! I thought you could use a day of rest and silence. I was wondering if you would like to go to this art thingy, it’s a gallery with black and white pictures and I thought you might like it.** **J**

I smiled while biting my lip, my face felt hot and my stomach filled itself with butterflies and excitement. Had he just asked me out on a date? Was I going out on a date?

**Amélie: Hi, Harry, first of all, how did your number end up in my phone? Second of all, I would love to go, when is it because I have work.**

I clutched my phone against my chest, taking a deep breath, I couldn’t stop myself from smiling brightly as I skipped into the living room and threw myself on my back on the couch.

**Harry: I may or may not have put my number in your phone in the car… I hope that doesn’t sound as creepy as I think it does haha**

I was just about to reply when another message flashed upon the screen

**Harry: oh and it’s next Saturday, it starts at 7 but we’re all going at 8!**

His last text made me frown a little.

**Amélie: who are we going with?**

**Amélie: and 8 is perfect** **J**

Writing we to him looked so weird but it felt great, we, Harry and me. I closed my eyes waiting for the familiar beep to fill the room again.

**Harry: The lads and some other friends from college, I’ll introduce you to them when we get there if that’s alright? It’s just a lot of names to type out.**

Panic rose in my chest and I put down my phone for a minute, too many people to type? Strange people, I was going to be the odd one out there, everyone would know each other and I would be the strange one panicking and stuck in the middle.

**Harry: if that’s alright with you of course, don’t feel pressured to come, if you don’t feel like it it’s fine, I understand.**

I wanted to text him something along the lines of: no I can’t. But if I wanted to change, I was going to have to do it now. I had to start taking risks before it was too late. I had to do change small things to achieve great things right?

**Amélie: No, I’m good, and I would love to come.**

**Harry: great! Niall and I will come and pick you up at 7.40 if that’s all right?**

**Amélie: yeah sure, see you then** **J**

I tried to make the text look as calm and cool as possible but my hands were shaking, my brain was screaming at me.

_What are you thinking? He might find you! Someone he knows might be there and recognise you and call him!_

I tried to shake away those thought when my screen lit up again.

**Harry: I’m looking forward to it, and don’t worry, we’ll be able to spend some time on our own as well ;)**

I dropped my phone on the couch and danced around my living room in excitement, I was going on a sort of date. I was going to go out and do something for me. I hope Harry’s friends won’t mind me being there, I hope they won’t look at me in pity. I was most afraid of Niall’s reaction. I had seen the worry in his eyes every time he checked on me in the mirror. I had seen his face and faintly heard his voice in that room back at the club. I had freaked him out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pleaseeeeee let me know what you're thinking, a comment or kuddos seriously makes my day every time :)

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed it, please comment or leave some kuddos if you did :)


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